DEAR CELL PHONE: I LOVE YOU BUT I'M NOT IN LOVE WITH YOU

It started out so innocently. We vibed fast and hard—24 hours a day. You gave me things I thought I wanted: instant connection, knowledge, entertainment, reassurance, aspirations.

I could reach out to friends and loved ones about anything at any time. I could search for that actor’s name in the movie I was watching whose name was escaping me. I could scroll through images of bumps on cat’s heads to figure out what was behind Lulu’s ear. I could track down that recipe for vegan paella I made 5 years ago but forgot to bookmark.  

As the years went on, our relationship took on a codependent flavor. You needed me to validate your existence; I needed you for what felt like everything. A harmless habit, light flirtation, helpful partnership morphed into dependency, distraction, sleeplessness. Sitting in restaurants or living rooms or on park benches with real living, interesting, feeling people but glued to you and your cold, emotionally unavailable screen sucking me into its never ending doom-scroll became my norm. 

What seemed to feel like comfort became distressing. Signs of trouble included my anxiety (near panic) if I forgot you somewhere or you weren’t in arm’s reach, compulsively and mindlessly picking you up and scrolling, the hours of time with you that kept me from things that truly bring me joy. 

What once was love has turned to the ick. To be real, I love what you can do for me but, at the same time, I hate it. The only way through this conflict is for me to step away and reclaim my independence.

What's best for me now is:

1. Setting hard boundaries around when and where I interact with you.  

2. Getting rid of the glittery things that draw me back to you like unnecessary apps, notification alerts, and social media. 

3. Getting intentional around what I’m looking for when I reach for you. Do I need that bit of trivia, that newsfeed, that image overload? 

4. Creating a plan full of people, places, and things I can replace you with when I feel lonely or bored. 

5. Reintroducing myself to things I used to love but have drifted away from because of our obsessive relationship (nature, painting, board games, conversation). 

   
   

Breaking up is hard. But I will remind myself that making choices is me reclaiming my power. I can choose how my life looks and feels and I can help others to walk away from toxic relationships that drag them down rather than lift them up.